"Healing From a Highly Emotional Break-up."

The old saying that "what doesn't kill you-BLAH, BLAH, BLAH... is convenient, but those are the quoted axioms of the lousy and "in love". They are not the sentiment of the heart broken and emotionally distraught. Their feelings are best left to sadness and loss, but why? What are they losing, but yet another great opportunity to learn about themselves? The agony many feel is heart wrenching and inconsolable, but is treatable and preventable.

Many people ache for the hand of sympathy and the epiphany of their misunderstood love. The many that feel hopeless are unaware that they have only to learn how to deal with their E-Motions or energy in motion.

From a very young age you should be taught how to deal with your emotions in a very functional and practical way. Unfortunately, there are adults that never learn how to deal with their emotions either, because their parents never taught them or their parent did not know themselves. The key to gaining emotional empowerment lay dormant within you and not someone or anything else.

Most people seek out the distraction of other people’s angst. Other people look for the distraction of food, sex and alcohol. And the rest are motivated by their self loathing. But here lies an opportunity to redeem from within and learn how to work on the “YOU”. People love the distraction of life, usually the lives of others, which give them the perfect opportunity to delay their innate healing.

It takes courage to heal, but it takes strength to stay focus and cancel out the distractions of fear and regret. I am not here to ask you to avoid people, places or things. All that I ask is that you ignore distractions that would delay your healing.

Preventable & Treatable Ways

The question on “How do you heal from a High E-motional break-up” is simple if you look at the anatomy of your emotional make up.

Ask yourself:

1. Are you a needy person?
2. Are you a co-dependent person?
3. Were you ever explained what emotions where?
4. Where does this pain hurt the most?
5. Do I know how to deal with separation and loss?
6. Is “Love” the reason I feel what I feel or have I not learned to process and separate my range of emotions from “LOVE.”
7. Could the other person just not be for me?
8. Is this my EGO making my decisions for me?
9. Does my need for loving someone else over shadow the real love I need for me?
10. How can I utilize this E- Motional (energy in motion) body to create a better life for me?
11. Do I know the difference between LOVE & LUST?

Challenging your expectations is another way of healing from a “Highly E-Motional” break-up.

Am I a person that needs every emotional act reciprocated back to me?
If you are, c

orrect that immediately. Develop a method that would allow you to give of yourself freely without expecting something back. Usually people find it hard to do this because they feel, falsely, that they are being used. This is accompanied by a since of entitlement, however the truth of the matter is that no one owes you anything. However you owe yourself the world outside of selfish bargaining, you do, with the one you think you love.

Take the time to differentiate a passionate relationship from a passionate experience.
Often time we think we are having a passionate relationship when we are just having a passionate experience-it just last more than a one night stand. Our expectations on feelings rather perceived or unperceived set us up for emotionally disaster. Depending how we take on the feelings and onsite process of the experience determines proper healing. Learn where you are standing in the moment and see things as they are as opposed to the trappings of distorted fixations based in your crotch. Love the moment, encompassing every element, instead of just the person you are with.


No mathematical formula or vengeance can cure your dis-ease with yourself. You are the master of it all and your body mind and soul will tell when it is time to H.E.A.L. Tune into the healer within, it cures all.

Evacuation Plan

Do you have an evacuation plan? Chances are that if you are a black woman in a relationship or married you don't. The stats say that you need to have one.
STATISTICS

In a nationally representative survey, 29% of African American women and 12% of African American men report at least one instance of violence from an intimate partner. 1
African Americans account for 1/3 of the intimate partner homicides in this country 2 and have an intimate partner homicide rate four times that of whites. 3
Black women comprise 8% of the U.S. population but account for 20% of the intimate partner homicide victims. 2

Between 1976-1999, intimate partner deaths among African Americans decreased by 67%. 2 Intimate partner deaths have decreased most dramatically among black men: from 1976-1984, black men were more likely than black women to be a victim of domestic homicide; by 1996, black women were 1.6 times more likely to murdered by their mates. 2

The Statistics on Domestic Violence Are Shocking

Domestic violence occurs in an estimated 4 million intimate relationships each year in the United States. We are now recognizing and dealing with the urgency and severity of domestic violence in cities from coast to coast. The statistics reveal that domestic violence is one of the most important public health problems in our country and it is time that we all address this issue. Consider the following findings:

The Surgeon General of the United States reports that domestic violence causes more injury to adult women than cancers, heart attacks, or strokes.
FBI statistics point out that a woman is battered every 15-18 seconds in the United States.
More than three million children witness domestic violence, and more than four million women are battered to death by their husbands or boyfriends each year.
Approximately one third of female murder victims in the United States are killed by their husband or boyfriend.

What is an Evacuation Plan ? A evacuation plan is a course of action designed to save and preserve your life. It sole purpose is to extract you, safely, incase there is a potentially life threatening event.

1. Don't isolate yourself from people and resources that can offer you assistance. ( Do not move more than walking distance from any hospital, policed area or place that can visibillyi hide yourself from harm )

2. Learn where your predator will not go and plan to go there.

3. Collect visible forensic evidence, photograph and record what you can safely.

4. Have a friend that your predator does not know.

5. Keep a bag packed at all times.

6. Keep two sets of identification and important papers, keys etc.... This is so IMPORTANT!

7. Save some money and have a bank account that your predator does not know about.

8. Have important data on separate hard drive accessible to you and you only. ( A back up to your back up).

9. Get a passport. Keep one on deck.

10. Take a self defense class without your predator knowing about it! No, excuses find a way.

11. Read Law 22 Use the Surrender Tactic: Transform Weakness into Power. (Go to your local book store and read this excerpt form Robert Greene's Book "The 48 Laws Of Power". This passage could save your life, literally) You don't have to buy this book just read it right there.

12. Leave immediately, when you can!

13. Don't trust the predators family . Nine time out of ten their loyalty is conditional and strictly based off the quality of the the relationship you have with your predator. Remember: They are his family, not yours!

14. Trust your instincts! When that voice tells you that something ain't right . Know that it was put there as a proof that the divine is always with you act.

15. Keep the maintenance up on your car!

16. ONLY TELL WHO IS ESSENTIAL TO YOUR PLANS! Fight the urge to speak your life could depend on it. THE FEWER PEOPLE KNOW THE BETTER. Trust that most times your family members are plotting against you ,unbeknowst to even them, and their misplaced sense of caring can cost you your life. Don't let them talk you back in to HELL with the Devil.

Resources for African American Women

Resources for African American Women

Black Women for Wellness: Welcome to Black Women for Wellness

Black Women for Wellness: Welcome to Black Women for Wellness

How much Do I Owe? Category: Romance and Relationships
How much do I owe?
By
J. Thurman
The general consensus is that chivalry is dead, no, he is just an overworked gigolo who has lost his meaning and function in today's society. Obligation and duty have crippled him and left him lame on a weak crutch duck taped and bending. A good question comes to mind is what obligations are women owed, if any. I think that simple gestures of common courtesy and respect have been taken for granted by most women who feel that they are owed just because they have a vagina. There are women who use men as a constant act of retribution defiling the good and generous nature of men, but the question is WHY. ( ANSWER: FREE STUFF)
Women use words like gentlemen as a more politically correct description instead of the word man-slave to mask there gender imposed rights to rule over mankind indirectly without raising a finger or brow. How obligated are men to serve women? Has the "Suppose To Clause" given women the right to treat men as objects of labor while women still deny men the right to be considered intellectual equals publicly as well as behind closed doors. Most women will deny that they thumb their noses up at men and claim they "love men", true, however most people only love what they own.
In the world of "normal socialization" of men and women there is an unspoken code of conduct that men are "suppose to" follow without question. Men pay and women do not, even when the coffers are overflowing. Men take the gunshot to protect the women, even when she started the egregious circumstances. Today's society has not allowed women to be responsible for their action when dealing with men on a whole their escape clause has always been "he is suppose to".
The creed has always been to protect the women for she bares the children and is the keeper of civilization. But every woman is not worthy of such honor and distinction. Most women do not need a man to protect them neither do they want children, certainly not for the reasons society has laid out.
So the question remains. What is a woman owed? Do men owe them a constant stream of frivolous indulgences that most women add on to a list of obligatory duty everyday, a list that ranges from cash gifts (loans) to a continual feeding of their feminine ego? Does every woman deserve a chair pulled out or a door opened? Do men give praise and courtesies away to easy without letting women earn them? The credo of ladies first is not just a song title or entitlement but it is something labored for universally. Men give away gallantry and other pleasantries with no regard of how it has affected most women and makes through them take for granted what other women had to earn from the sweat of their brow and fashioning of their character. Chivalry is a code of honor among men, but it has been adopted by women simply because there was no code among opposites sexes.
The concept of a gentlewoman is foreign and an adjective that has been lost drowned out by the demands of women screaming for a gentleman. A gentle -woman is defined as a well-bred woman or polite woman, not a tyrant constantly demanding and asking without any earned or deserved favor. Men as this culture has groomed them are subjugated to serve woman with pure and unquestionable obedience. A woman's right of passage is to be respected but giving respect in the realm of social interaction with men is blatantly ignored. Some women you talk to do not respect men hiding their disdain under sarcastic flirtatious gestures, jeers and mockery as they walk away.
Women feel that glimpses of electric sex is the key to man-nip-you-lating a man into serving their fancies but it is the hope of a kind and true expression not falsehood and treachery. Men are weak for sexual insinuations, that are universal, but men are even weaker for sincerity and authenticity which is something stronger than weak unimaginative eye batting or fake phone numbers.
Are there any gentlewomen who are willing to earn what they are asking for or are we indoctrinating another group of women who tell men that they are "suppose to" be nice (blindly obey) to them just because of their gender. Can you as a woman earn your rites of passage to be treated in a noble fashion or do men just have to pay what they owe and SHUT THE HELL UP?

Invisible Men Category: Romance and Relationships
Invisible Men
By
J. Thurman
Ralph Ellison wrote about the Invisible Man. A man whom was unseen by society. No matter how he tried to separate and distinguish himself he was forever brand beast. There are legions of men all around invisible to women who are in the prime of their beauty, health and intelligence, who are drowning in their fear. These men appear as shadows glimmers of light spoken about by most women in the same breath of ancient apparitions and mythology.
There once were stories of a kind of man that frightened most women to the point that those women would avoid all eye contact and acknowledgment. Women became ambivalent even to their existence until one day they vanished. They said that eye contact would give some men a since of human connection and kindness with their counterparts. That kind of kindness was perceived as weakness by most women and was all too often costly to their safety that was masked by their emotions. Fear drove their campaign to wipe out all MEN.
A campaign mostly driven by the media and tales of dreams and expectation deferred. So, one day they vanished. All that was let were shallow figments of a hopeful imagination superficial store houses where women could put their unrealistic expectations and misplaced insecurities. They looked like men ,but they never quite stood the test of time and suffered from poor craftsmanship. Women accepted this replica and hoped to fill this facsimile with all the things they thought a man should, "BE". Some women never knew a man and only lived through the tales of long ago. Other women worked hard to get rid of the remnants of what they thought were men including memories of kind gestures, smiles and gallantry all taken for granted and long gone. Every man was suspect by there very presence.Then they're where those responsible for wiping the mind print of women who never knew the soft subtlest of a man these women were the most stoic and broken of them all. They told horrifying tales of them being victimized by villainous men and because of their inability to utilize their higher sense of self they fell back on their overdeveloped sense of mistrust to will good men into oblivion.
Numb to their surroundings most women lose themselves in the Matrix. A lot of women were consumed by cell phones, IPODS and dark shades some women went to incredible extremes to avoid and ignore all men except the ones that constantly disappointed them. The shade help avoid undesirable eye contact and allows them to judge while keep their distance. There are men who became there only reality. Menwho became a failed expectation someone who could consume their time, money & energywhose every step could be easily predicted- as to not get hurt. But these men were not good men because all of the good men were gone.
Avoiding every man was the answer. Living in constant fear of harm from every man seemed to be the answer. Also, just not wanting to be bothered was another justification to avoid them. A lot of women just seemed to not know how to handle men, so avoiding all of them was the key. "They just want sex",( and women never do) and a plethora of other excuses defend their lack of confidence, lack of conversation or PERSONAL DEPTH. It seems that a stack of irrational fears start to cripple some women from differentiating good men from bad men, hence the disappearance of "Good Men".
I overstand how hard it is to be scrutinized, but I could never know what it is like to be under the scrutiny that black women are subjugated. Nevertheless, avoidance is not the answer, courage is. The courage to deal with how you feel in your skin and learn to exude the innate power and confidence that, when examined, would remove the discomfort that exist. You can not avoid people and you certainly can not avoid men, however you can learn to control your environment and the people that come in your circumference. Once you master your environment you began to make better "men decision". Then and only then will the Good Men reappear in abundance.