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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Burning Question #21

Why is it that some men can romance you and stay the same until the end, while others become comfortable and forget about the things they did to get you?

This question, once again, tackles one of the twenty-one questions that women do not ask men. A woman’s priorities when it comes to need versus want become blurred while trying to get to know someone. Food, clothing and shelter and other physiological needs top of the list when it comes to finding out if a man can provide these things not only for himself, but for the woman he is interested in as well. I suggest discussing your ideas about love and belonging early in the encounter, so that the person you have an interest in is clear as to what you mean by romance.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs gives a basic starting point to investigation and find out how something like romance exists in the mind, of not only men, but women as well. Maslow uses the concept of love and belonging and says that if these terms are applied to a person’s life the individual can live a more balance life. That person can live free from the deprivation that takes its toll on the whole body by not having a sense of belonging or acceptance. From my perspective romance provides the space in a person’s life to offer good love and a deep sense of connecting causing a person to feel accepted internally and externally.

The under layers of human needs like a sense of belonging in a relationship are important, but talking about it often falls off the list of things that must be discussed. Playing detective, which for some women is their favorite sport waste a lot of time, money and energy while spoiling a ripe opportunity to get the sometimes elusive truth from men. Learn when a man is most susceptible to being truthful, then strike.

Most times if a person does not know what romance is, just accepting something that sounds good is good enough? One should never complain when you just accept what somebody gives you, especially when you have ample time to talk about it. Some men are just professional boyfriends while others are just warm bodies passing off as one. What do you think is romantic and how do you grow it; cultivate it and sustain it? I know that of all the things that move and oscillate in the known universe creativity and imagination can help you concoct the elixir of romance in ample portions. The challenge is having the courage to express it even in a situation where you feel rejection is eminent. The trick to remember is that your persistence and sincerity makes all things happen.

Try with these basics point to help navigate the conversation:

• Romance entails a since of connection that is deeply and passionately attentive and physically spiritually expressive. If you bargain with this and “settle” for someone that is a good earner, then that is your choice. Look for tendencies in you and in the person you are interested in. Do not assume you can hint guilt or plant a romantic nature into everybody you meet.

• Work out the Intimacy bugs by building a frame together as to what intimacy is. Then build a masterpiece of trust. You will find that most people do not even know what intimacy is and are too egotistic to find out. Only in the end when their significant other craves for it do they find out they cannot fake it any more. By definition intimacy is trust and without this sincere romance is an illusion.

• Friendship is the main ingredient for a successfully consistent romantic experience every time. Subtle nuisances that keep romance fresh come from the basic components of friendship. A person that listens with both ears and humility can stock pile new and fresh information that make the next romantic experience hot and heavy. Friendship or the appearance of friendship creates an environment that allows the other person to say things that they would normally be in reserve to express. This information makes the romantic experience easier and more detailed to the person you are trying to satisfy.

• Connection is vital for a romance. Ask yourself what connects you to that other individual besides primal attraction and if it is just primal, respect that, and know where you stand. A shared sense of adventure or shared sense conservatism, it does not matter whatever it is needs to be drawn out. Find a common thread and start to weave a tapestry that is beautifully unique together. We spend a lot of time avoiding connecting because of our fear and insecurities and in the end it causes us more trouble than it’s worth. Our connection as a human family affects our overall health inside and out. Connection is natural. Having a solid and authentic connection is pure gold and allows everything to flow effortlessly.

With that said you get what you pay attention to. What are you paying attention to?

Rule #4081 Men want women to stay the same (physically& sexually), while women want men to change (intellectually and spiritually). When that change does not happen women realize they have been blindsided by the fact that "he is what he is" and was that way the whole time. You were just under the influence (New-ness, Attractive-ness, Horny-ness, and Might be the one-ness, etc...). Stay Above the Influence!

When it comes to being romantic some men come out with guns blazing and then run out of ammunition, others cliché you to death, but at least they make an attempt. Some do not even try. Romance is purely subjective when it should be objective, more of a personal experience, but if there is no romantic experience to compare it to, then what? Men don’t forget what it took to get you, they simply forget, “YOU”. Often time people forget each other and depend on the other to uphold the newness that once sparked that special encounter, but that’s another article for another time. They run the term and forget what important, “us” and spend the duration of the time together disrespecting the relationship. They disrespect the love and the sense of belonging that encourages a healthy sense of acceptance. That situation can be corrected, but do not spend your life time doing so.

The guy that doesn’t even try.....well what can you say? Remember the scene in the movie “300” where King Leonidas kicks the messenger of Persia into the endless pit..... I believe you get the picture. Then they are there are men that are obsessed with pleasing the person they are in a relationships with and romance oozes from their pours. They are natural romantics. These men can’t help it they appreciates their woman and reciprocate naturally. But no matter what, if having a romantic life is important or unimportant, you can make it happen. Instead of worrying about what someone else is not giving you live with a romantic spirit and all that you want will come. Ladies, remember you get what you pay for, rather it be a pair of Manolo Blahnik five inch heels or a man that cannot warm your side of the bed, you choose.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Move with Action, Love with Action and Compell others with Action. There is a reason why others wait for you to do it first.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Indulge in the moment and avoid disrespecting the "NOW", for it is what we use to create our later.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Support Free Thinking Entrepreneurs!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Stay Relevant-Innovate or Perish!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

It's people's job to distract you because they needs constant entertanment and attention. Stay Focused!

Friday, May 28, 2010

Who's Going To Essence Festival, let me roll with you. A closed mouth will never get fed and your tools will rust if they stay in the Shed.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Be PATIENT with the person you are becoming and be PLEASANT to the person you used to be.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

If you missed the live broadcast last night the show out; @

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Learn how our ancestors can "SAVE" us right "NOW" @

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

What happens when it's Adam, Eve & Steve and Eve won't leave. Is it hard times for black women who stay with there bisexual man?

Monday, May 3, 2010

If you want to see what I'm all about check out

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Dating Mr. Potential

In this special edition , I wanted to look at the people who go out and date for the sole purpose of potential. Everybody is out looking for something and the people who say that they are not are just lying. Now, depending on what that something is weighs exclusively on that individual. Some date for companionship, networking, friendship, sex etc. The list can be long or short depending on who you talk to. However, there is a very special group that date potential and not the individual. The individual becomes a prop in their relationship production, starring them.

The problem with dating potential is that people are usually a poor judge of potential and just do not do it right. Dating potential can often lead you to waste your time, money and energy. And anybody that has read my book knows that I am all about saving your time money and energy. Hoping someone will turn it around is an optimistic way of looking at it, but there is a deeper truth.

If your goal is to date people based off of there potential, be it earning potential, leadership potential and husband / wife potential, become a student of your craft and show other people how to do it properly. But for those who do not know when to leave a relationship because they are still chasing potential I say learn “when to say when”, if not for you, then for all the peoples lives that will affect by your act of indecision and fear. Stop holding that person "Emotionally Hostage" because you don't want to be alone!

The Art of Dating Potential has some key factors that most people need to be aware of in order to perform this operation successfully:

1. Know what you are looking for.

2. Access your prospect within the first encounter based off a three point criteria.

a) Need

b) Benefit

c) Measurable return (Time Limit)

3. Assets (Financial or Network Resources)

We hear all the time about how people married their spouse because they “saw the potential in them” and they where successful. What these people do not tell is that there was such a substantially important piece to there decision that was exposed that they were convinced that this person was the “ONE”. A piece of evidence that becomes the tipping point for their life changing decision-they utilized there intuition. Mr. or Ms. Potential could have just graduated for Harvard with a law degree or have just lost a multi-million dollar company or even someone that and incredible list of contacts and resources that that person did not know how to use until you came etc.

There are some people that abandoned ship just when that “POTENTIAL” broke through and they miss out on reaping the harvest of the many seeds that they planted in that individual over time. And there are the people who stay the course and receive all that are due to them. People that are “Potential Chasers” are controlled by ‘The Fear of Loss or The Hope of Gain”. Dating Potential without a plan usually leaves you with a desperate fear of loss and missing out on something that ultimately controls your decision making process. That kind of mind state can often leave people in limbo never learning how to anchor their core beliefs in being specific about what they want and how to articulate it, not necessarily to other people, but to themselves. Living outside of the fear of loosing out or gaining something is important so that they can begin to not become a slave to the “if I just….” When you live in that realm of dating potential and not dating the person it becomes a void that usually waste your time, money and energy.

Do not date potential without a plan of action. Dating potential is not for everyone and a warning label is attached so that you handle with respect. It can become the kind of thing that can affect your soul and throw you off your purpose. Many people say that they are dating potential but it just becomes another excuse to hold on out of the fear of not being alone. The security of the familiar can be addictive.

Face up to the real reason why you are dating and enjoy the experience. It is another wonderful journey in the human experience and you should learn from it as much as you can.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Join me tonite on The Relationship Playbook @ 10pm-11pm. We will be discussing "Why Are You Single". May Be It's Just You! No Holds Barred!
Shout Out! Donna Edwards @ Forrest Hill Academy for allowing me to come out and talk to the young men about creating "SUCCESS" in life.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

The Man-You-All has helped women heal and empower all over the country. Invest in your copy

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Check me @Nightline "The Face off" Why Can't A Successful Black Women Find A Man- Friday @Porter Sanford Center 3181 Rainbow Dr. 7pm
Think Green! L.A. June 21-26, 2010 would love to have my CALI people reach out to me.
Go to:

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Virginia Student Leadership Conference
Saturday, April 17, 2010 / 9:00 a.m. - 4:00 p.m. Register Now

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Building The Perfect Date

Is it easier to find a date or find a mate? Well, it depends. If you are among the fortunate ones to be blessed with the basic package of having a look and tolerable personality, you can get a date. Now, for those that cannot get date or find the dating scene daunting, I want to show you how to create the perfect date with ease. If you are gifted enough to repel a date just think of how gifted you are truthfully at ATTRACTTING, not just a date, but a GREAT DATE every time. The "date" is not just a person it is the overall experience. Build it with R.E.A.L L.O.V.E and it cannot fail.

1. Build a blueprint from scratch and use it every time until you find a way to make it second nature. This blueprint is comprised of reality not fantasy.

The blueprint consist of:

A. “YOU” (E-motional Body, Attitude, Open-mindedness, and a Willingness to accept goodness in your life)

B. Time

C. Place

D. A wanting to be a part of the Human Experience and feast at the table of Life.

2. Visualize the kind of experience you what to have totally dependent of the other person being present.

3. If the word "DATE" causes you to have a mind virus, lose it and replace it with a term that positively defines the overall outcome of the experience.

4. Don't use expectation to ensure your dates success build it brick-by-brick? Use your blueprint!

5. Utilize simplicity, creativity and imagination in your interaction, but emphasize simplicity.

6. Write it down! I cannot emphasize this point enough the mind map is just a start to manifest that thought into an incredible reality. Please use one of the most incredible technological inventions in modern man, a pen, to diagram your blueprint on paper.

7. Control the options when your companion for that date is indecisive. Give them "ABC" and then give them your real choice. Make "ABC" complicated then make "D" the easiest of all the choices.

8. Pick the right date spot. Never second guess yourself .Your intuition is your greatest tool in this case. Keep a list of venues based off your various moods.

9. Be flexible! Keep an open-mind and thrive in the moment. Try newness!

10. Be present and turn off the phone.

11. Map "YOU" out! When you create your blueprint you are going to find out something wonderful. You are going learn how easy it is to create a fun date just by taking a little time to think about what you want and how you like it.

12. Never second guess yourself .Your intuition is your greatest tool. It guides you as you build every aspect of the date from the company in want to be in to the color of the shoes you’re going to wear.

13. Do not depend on the other person to supply you with a Great Time. Your attitude that you have discussed in your blueprint takes care of that. Utilize your pleasing personality and beautiful attitude to affect the mood. Your smile is the key to your dating success, so get to know it daily.

14. Don’t look for what you believe the other person is “SUPPOSE TO DO” or “KNOW” what to do, assumptions on a date create tension and disrupt the positive flow.

15. Relax and have fun! Remember you have no one to impress but yourself on how you are constantly growing and have learned to enjoy life affecting everybody around you in an amazing way.

We will talk about the mating rituals later. And remember, if the problem is choice whom chooses for you?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

If you make a living with Degree from Southern University Baton Rouge, Shrevport or N.O. LA you might want to look at this:

Monday, March 8, 2010

Ladies, don't go on a Easter Egg Hunt trying to get your Spring fling jump started. Call me in for group coaching.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Durning all of March "Women's Month" I am booking group discussions to Empower, Inspire and Innovate the lives of women.

"Book ME"

Monday, February 15, 2010

The After-Math: Ladies, let's add it up! Let me know your best and worst when it comes to your V-Day (Valentines Day).

Monday, February 8, 2010

I have got only five spots let for this Valentine Day. Book me "NOW". If you want your Valentine Day Singles Event to be unforgetable, do it.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

It is still not too late to Book Me for your Valentine Day Event. The sooner the better!
Tomorrow, check me on www.the brockandrus 2-4pm. Topic: 40yr Old Princess & The Frog.
Just finished panel discussion on "LOVE" for Talk Black LIVE Streamon the Internet. Big Up's to Chaundra and Aileen for inviting me.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Anyone who books me for Valentines Day, Book Club, Seminars during Febuary will receive 30% off all of my services. Literary Coaching, Power Speaking, and Entrepreneurship Training.
If you want to set your Valentines Day Off Right Book Me for your Valentines Day Event. Relationships and are my Speciality. Guaranteed Fun

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

"The Great Compromise"

 Ladies, let's talk about  "The Great Compromise" in your relationship device. When does compromise end and settling and surrendering begin. Married people have a patented on the topic and wave their self-indignant authority with no humility. But another look at The Great Compromise has it as a constant struggle for relationship domination. What does Compromise mean to you? Does getting your brand of compromise solidify your stronghold on your relationship? Please share your thougts!

Saturday, January 2, 2010

New Day and New Year. I am looking for some funny,clever and satirical quotes about Marriage. If choosen your quote will be used and my upcoming Book"Ten Reasons Not to Get Married" and you will be given credit for your words of wisdom