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Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Evacuation Plan

Do you have an evacuation plan? Chances are that if you are a black woman in a relationship or married you don't. The stats say that you need to have one.

In a nationally representative survey, 29% of African American women and 12% of African American men report at least one instance of violence from an intimate partner. 1
African Americans account for 1/3 of the intimate partner homicides in this country 2 and have an intimate partner homicide rate four times that of whites. 3
Black women comprise 8% of the U.S. population but account for 20% of the intimate partner homicide victims. 2

Between 1976-1999, intimate partner deaths among African Americans decreased by 67%. 2 Intimate partner deaths have decreased most dramatically among black men: from 1976-1984, black men were more likely than black women to be a victim of domestic homicide; by 1996, black women were 1.6 times more likely to murdered by their mates. 2

The Statistics on Domestic Violence Are Shocking

Domestic violence occurs in an estimated 4 million intimate relationships each year in the United States. We are now recognizing and dealing with the urgency and severity of domestic violence in cities from coast to coast. The statistics reveal that domestic violence is one of the most important public health problems in our country and it is time that we all address this issue. Consider the following findings:

The Surgeon General of the United States reports that domestic violence causes more injury to adult women than cancers, heart attacks, or strokes.
FBI statistics point out that a woman is battered every 15-18 seconds in the United States.
More than three million children witness domestic violence, and more than four million women are battered to death by their husbands or boyfriends each year.
Approximately one third of female murder victims in the United States are killed by their husband or boyfriend.

What is an Evacuation Plan ? A evacuation plan is a course of action designed to save and preserve your life. It sole purpose is to extract you, safely, incase there is a potentially life threatening event.

1. Don't isolate yourself from people and resources that can offer you assistance. ( Do not move more than walking distance from any hospital, policed area or place that can visibillyi hide yourself from harm )

2. Learn where your predator will not go and plan to go there.

3. Collect visible forensic evidence, photograph and record what you can safely.

4. Have a friend that your predator does not know.

5. Keep a bag packed at all times.

6. Keep two sets of identification and important papers, keys etc.... This is so IMPORTANT!

7. Save some money and have a bank account that your predator does not know about.

8. Have important data on separate hard drive accessible to you and you only. ( A back up to your back up).

9. Get a passport. Keep one on deck.

10. Take a self defense class without your predator knowing about it! No, excuses find a way.

11. Read Law 22 Use the Surrender Tactic: Transform Weakness into Power. (Go to your local book store and read this excerpt form Robert Greene's Book "The 48 Laws Of Power". This passage could save your life, literally) You don't have to buy this book just read it right there.

12. Leave immediately, when you can!

13. Don't trust the predators family . Nine time out of ten their loyalty is conditional and strictly based off the quality of the the relationship you have with your predator. Remember: They are his family, not yours!

14. Trust your instincts! When that voice tells you that something ain't right . Know that it was put there as a proof that the divine is always with you act.

15. Keep the maintenance up on your car!

16. ONLY TELL WHO IS ESSENTIAL TO YOUR PLANS! Fight the urge to speak your life could depend on it. THE FEWER PEOPLE KNOW THE BETTER. Trust that most times your family members are plotting against you ,unbeknowst to even them, and their misplaced sense of caring can cost you your life. Don't let them talk you back in to HELL with the Devil.

Monday, June 2, 2008

How much Do I Owe? Category: Romance and Relationships
How much do I owe?
J. Thurman
The general consensus is that chivalry is dead, no, he is just an overworked gigolo who has lost his meaning and function in today's society. Obligation and duty have crippled him and left him lame on a weak crutch duck taped and bending. A good question comes to mind is what obligations are women owed, if any. I think that simple gestures of common courtesy and respect have been taken for granted by most women who feel that they are owed just because they have a vagina. There are women who use men as a constant act of retribution defiling the good and generous nature of men, but the question is WHY. ( ANSWER: FREE STUFF)
Women use words like gentlemen as a more politically correct description instead of the word man-slave to mask there gender imposed rights to rule over mankind indirectly without raising a finger or brow. How obligated are men to serve women? Has the "Suppose To Clause" given women the right to treat men as objects of labor while women still deny men the right to be considered intellectual equals publicly as well as behind closed doors. Most women will deny that they thumb their noses up at men and claim they "love men", true, however most people only love what they own.
In the world of "normal socialization" of men and women there is an unspoken code of conduct that men are "suppose to" follow without question. Men pay and women do not, even when the coffers are overflowing. Men take the gunshot to protect the women, even when she started the egregious circumstances. Today's society has not allowed women to be responsible for their action when dealing with men on a whole their escape clause has always been "he is suppose to".
The creed has always been to protect the women for she bares the children and is the keeper of civilization. But every woman is not worthy of such honor and distinction. Most women do not need a man to protect them neither do they want children, certainly not for the reasons society has laid out.
So the question remains. What is a woman owed? Do men owe them a constant stream of frivolous indulgences that most women add on to a list of obligatory duty everyday, a list that ranges from cash gifts (loans) to a continual feeding of their feminine ego? Does every woman deserve a chair pulled out or a door opened? Do men give praise and courtesies away to easy without letting women earn them? The credo of ladies first is not just a song title or entitlement but it is something labored for universally. Men give away gallantry and other pleasantries with no regard of how it has affected most women and makes through them take for granted what other women had to earn from the sweat of their brow and fashioning of their character. Chivalry is a code of honor among men, but it has been adopted by women simply because there was no code among opposites sexes.
The concept of a gentlewoman is foreign and an adjective that has been lost drowned out by the demands of women screaming for a gentleman. A gentle -woman is defined as a well-bred woman or polite woman, not a tyrant constantly demanding and asking without any earned or deserved favor. Men as this culture has groomed them are subjugated to serve woman with pure and unquestionable obedience. A woman's right of passage is to be respected but giving respect in the realm of social interaction with men is blatantly ignored. Some women you talk to do not respect men hiding their disdain under sarcastic flirtatious gestures, jeers and mockery as they walk away.
Women feel that glimpses of electric sex is the key to man-nip-you-lating a man into serving their fancies but it is the hope of a kind and true expression not falsehood and treachery. Men are weak for sexual insinuations, that are universal, but men are even weaker for sincerity and authenticity which is something stronger than weak unimaginative eye batting or fake phone numbers.
Are there any gentlewomen who are willing to earn what they are asking for or are we indoctrinating another group of women who tell men that they are "suppose to" be nice (blindly obey) to them just because of their gender. Can you as a woman earn your rites of passage to be treated in a noble fashion or do men just have to pay what they owe and SHUT THE HELL UP?
Invisible Men Category: Romance and Relationships
Invisible Men
J. Thurman
Ralph Ellison wrote about the Invisible Man. A man whom was unseen by society. No matter how he tried to separate and distinguish himself he was forever brand beast. There are legions of men all around invisible to women who are in the prime of their beauty, health and intelligence, who are drowning in their fear. These men appear as shadows glimmers of light spoken about by most women in the same breath of ancient apparitions and mythology.
There once were stories of a kind of man that frightened most women to the point that those women would avoid all eye contact and acknowledgment. Women became ambivalent even to their existence until one day they vanished. They said that eye contact would give some men a since of human connection and kindness with their counterparts. That kind of kindness was perceived as weakness by most women and was all too often costly to their safety that was masked by their emotions. Fear drove their campaign to wipe out all MEN.
A campaign mostly driven by the media and tales of dreams and expectation deferred. So, one day they vanished. All that was let were shallow figments of a hopeful imagination superficial store houses where women could put their unrealistic expectations and misplaced insecurities. They looked like men ,but they never quite stood the test of time and suffered from poor craftsmanship. Women accepted this replica and hoped to fill this facsimile with all the things they thought a man should, "BE". Some women never knew a man and only lived through the tales of long ago. Other women worked hard to get rid of the remnants of what they thought were men including memories of kind gestures, smiles and gallantry all taken for granted and long gone. Every man was suspect by there very presence.Then they're where those responsible for wiping the mind print of women who never knew the soft subtlest of a man these women were the most stoic and broken of them all. They told horrifying tales of them being victimized by villainous men and because of their inability to utilize their higher sense of self they fell back on their overdeveloped sense of mistrust to will good men into oblivion.
Numb to their surroundings most women lose themselves in the Matrix. A lot of women were consumed by cell phones, IPODS and dark shades some women went to incredible extremes to avoid and ignore all men except the ones that constantly disappointed them. The shade help avoid undesirable eye contact and allows them to judge while keep their distance. There are men who became there only reality. Menwho became a failed expectation someone who could consume their time, money & energywhose every step could be easily predicted- as to not get hurt. But these men were not good men because all of the good men were gone.
Avoiding every man was the answer. Living in constant fear of harm from every man seemed to be the answer. Also, just not wanting to be bothered was another justification to avoid them. A lot of women just seemed to not know how to handle men, so avoiding all of them was the key. "They just want sex",( and women never do) and a plethora of other excuses defend their lack of confidence, lack of conversation or PERSONAL DEPTH. It seems that a stack of irrational fears start to cripple some women from differentiating good men from bad men, hence the disappearance of "Good Men".
I overstand how hard it is to be scrutinized, but I could never know what it is like to be under the scrutiny that black women are subjugated. Nevertheless, avoidance is not the answer, courage is. The courage to deal with how you feel in your skin and learn to exude the innate power and confidence that, when examined, would remove the discomfort that exist. You can not avoid people and you certainly can not avoid men, however you can learn to control your environment and the people that come in your circumference. Once you master your environment you began to make better "men decision". Then and only then will the Good Men reappear in abundance.

The Great Atlanta Ratio

The Great Atlanta Ratio (Myth or Fact) Category: Romance and Relationships
The Great Atlanta Ratio (Myth or Fact)
J. Thurman
The Great AtlantaRatio is the most misunderstood mathematical equation in the history of computation.
Some fun numbers:

*MSA= Metro Surrounding Area (Clayton, Cobb, Dekalb, Douglasville and Gwinnett)
Total Blacks in Atlanta: 1,502,745 (as of 2005) and growing
Total Black Females:606,530
Total Black Males: 503,642
Total Unmarried Females: 42%
Total Unmarried Males: 31%

I was having another one of those conversations were someone, who obviously has obtained the crown jewel, breaks down the ratio phenomenon to me for the millionth time.
The numbers flucuate depending on who you talk to. For example: The woman who tells you how handsome you are and reminds you that there are 13 women to 1 man so I should have no problem finding somenone, but not her. Then there is the wily out of towner who has heard rumors of "Pussy Galore" lying in the streets that are laced with Victoria's Sucretions and Viagra. I can not forget about the transplant that soley moved to Atlanta to find the woman of his dreams then he realizes that all he is doing is dreaming.

The reality is that even if the numbers have shrunk from 13:1 to 10:1 you have got to look at what you are really dealing with. If you lined up 10 women in front of you, as a man: 2 are lesbian/bisexual = not for you, 2 are married, 2 have boyfriends(status quo style), 2 are still in mourning from a relationship that happened eons ago. And the last two are just not feeling you, even if you dropped diamonds everytime you opened your mouth. I forgot the golddigger whose eye for the rich guy is another disqualifier. She can pick you apart like a jeweler look at a fabulous fake. The number are not there to support the myth which has become fact.
Fact: If you lined up every black women and every black man facing each other the numbers are disproportionate. If you married every black man ,free or incarcerated, there would still be millions of black men left out. If you look at the stats on marriage you will see that black on black marriage is not a sure thing .

The higher the risk the higher the return", is the credo of not just gamblers and trustworthy salemen. This is why most men never stop chasing because there is a better rate of success in high numbers. Only a fool depends on superficial word of mouth stats, that do not add up. A fifteen year old teenager can get a phone. The truth for alot of men centers around working the numbers, not to be confused with a clumsy man-child who get the attention of alot woman and take it for granted.

There are some women who need a demolitionist to break down the walls, only to have them go back there EX. Men are completely a the whim of a woman who's sole purpose is to pass you on to the other twelve or so women standing in line. She passes you on for a number of reasons, but, no matter what you will be passed on.

My point is not to confuse a romanticized idea of being passed on by fate, so that you eventually meet the right one, there is no right "ONE". The object of my piece is to garnish attention to the credulous idea that the number of women, out weighing the number of men, favors a man in the sense of ,"hooking up". They don't! There might be a favorable number of women to men at any one locale, but are they viable prospects. This is the question unanswered and ignored. .......Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink. This quote sums up the mechanical workings behind the myth, the part of the facade that no one can see beyond.
"Don't believe the HYPE......"

A Blues for Ja-cen-ta

Blues for Ja-cen-ta Category: Romance and Relationships
I hope you are having a glorious day and fully engulfed in the moment.Our last conversation had me thinking about your experience with men. I'm sure that your running shoes are smokey. But, I hope you know you don't have to run, "cause no matter where you go there you are". The people that give us justification to run have the most power over us and are the masters of our destiny. We feel that we have no power or control and therefore relinquish our automony easily. We mistake authority for truth instead of taking truth as the authority. People who we allow to control our emotions become our authority. Some people are addicted to that feeling but when they are not in the presence of it regain their senses,it seems. You are in control of the feet in every direction of you but you are in control of everything you survey. Your dominion as a woman spreads out as far as the mind can conceive and you need to know that. Don't be addicted to that feeling of defeatism?I want you to come back home brand new and trusting that you are truly BLESSED and what GOD has created in and out of you is perfect, because GOD don't make no mistakes.

Monday, May 12, 2008

The New Urban Religion

The New Urban Religion
J. Thurman
Reasons for celibacy
Religious beliefs
In order to strengthen the body
To avoid the risk and/or prevent the spread of venereal disease
To focus energies on other matters, like one’s career or social issues (sublimation)
To avoid contributing to overpopulation
To cultivate a relationship according to an ideal of chastity
An inability to obtain a willing sexual partner (involuntary celibacy)
An inability to find a sexual partner that one finds acceptable or tolerable
A distaste or lack of appetite for sex (asexuality, antisexualism)
A distaste or lack of desire for couple hood
To avoid persecution (e.g. prosecution for gay relations under sodomy laws)
Perceived benefit of alteration of physiological factors (hormonal changes)
As an attempt to regain a sense of self and independence from others
Medical limitations (medical celibacy)
To enhance the production of the DMT-molecule in the Pineal Gland, and limit the production of Melatonin

You can not get laid even if you woke up stuck naked to the person of your choice.
If these are your reasons then stand by them, but if you need a new discipline to avoid the utter fact that you are out of control with your sexuality, you have a problem that is bigger than, "SEX". What does out of control mean? Out of control means that you have no control in matters of overstanding your sexuality and the difference between your sex and someone else’s sex. Out of control also means that you are letting other define what sex is to you. Often times disallowing yourself a chance to discovery the real ,"YOU", whatever that means it is personal and sacred to you.

The rise and acceptability of celibacy in today’s society boils down to choice although some women have presented this choice as a means of a religious movement. The basis of celibacy in the non-secular realm is preserving, purifying and sanctifing your spiritual essence. Along with disciplining and cleansing your physical components. There is alot of energy and power that builds up when celibacy is used in a real way. Learning to use that power is the key to fully utilizing the purpose of celibacy.

The most popular way women use celibacy is to test a man’s sincerity in the confines of a potential romantic relationship. This is not an effective way to measure a man’s resolve and sincerity. Just because you, as a woman, are not having sex with a potential suitor, does not mean that he is not having sex. The new urban religion seeks to separate its followers from others that might be confused with whoredom. It is clear that celibacy for black women is more about cultrual perception then about its front of religoius mores. Black women are revirginating themselves.

They are using celibacy as a nice clean front to mask their inability to deal with the issues of sex by avoiding it. The pink elephant sitting in the middle of the room does not need any company. Getting involved with someone to justify you having sex is just that, justification to have sex, and not look like you are practicing immoral acts (according to who?) There are women who practice celibacy and in the meanwhile they are poising themselves by working on their issues not just with sex ,but with their total being.
You can not use excuses and diversions to avoid heartbreak you can redefine how you go into a relationship. You can define love and romance without using sex as a parameter. If you are a sexual being going, cold turkey is crazy, it will backfire. You need a plan of attack if you are serious.

You can ask someone who is practicing celibacy what are they doing in the meanwhile. Are they doing YOGA, PILATES, TAKING CLASSES TO BETTER THEIR SEX LIFE, FASTING etc..........What are they doing except waiting for someone to come along to define their sexuality? Celibacy- opportunity to perfect mind, body and soul or opportunity to avoid dealing with "YOU" as a woman.