Search This Blog

Monday, June 2, 2008

How much Do I Owe? Category: Romance and Relationships
How much do I owe?
J. Thurman
The general consensus is that chivalry is dead, no, he is just an overworked gigolo who has lost his meaning and function in today's society. Obligation and duty have crippled him and left him lame on a weak crutch duck taped and bending. A good question comes to mind is what obligations are women owed, if any. I think that simple gestures of common courtesy and respect have been taken for granted by most women who feel that they are owed just because they have a vagina. There are women who use men as a constant act of retribution defiling the good and generous nature of men, but the question is WHY. ( ANSWER: FREE STUFF)
Women use words like gentlemen as a more politically correct description instead of the word man-slave to mask there gender imposed rights to rule over mankind indirectly without raising a finger or brow. How obligated are men to serve women? Has the "Suppose To Clause" given women the right to treat men as objects of labor while women still deny men the right to be considered intellectual equals publicly as well as behind closed doors. Most women will deny that they thumb their noses up at men and claim they "love men", true, however most people only love what they own.
In the world of "normal socialization" of men and women there is an unspoken code of conduct that men are "suppose to" follow without question. Men pay and women do not, even when the coffers are overflowing. Men take the gunshot to protect the women, even when she started the egregious circumstances. Today's society has not allowed women to be responsible for their action when dealing with men on a whole their escape clause has always been "he is suppose to".
The creed has always been to protect the women for she bares the children and is the keeper of civilization. But every woman is not worthy of such honor and distinction. Most women do not need a man to protect them neither do they want children, certainly not for the reasons society has laid out.
So the question remains. What is a woman owed? Do men owe them a constant stream of frivolous indulgences that most women add on to a list of obligatory duty everyday, a list that ranges from cash gifts (loans) to a continual feeding of their feminine ego? Does every woman deserve a chair pulled out or a door opened? Do men give praise and courtesies away to easy without letting women earn them? The credo of ladies first is not just a song title or entitlement but it is something labored for universally. Men give away gallantry and other pleasantries with no regard of how it has affected most women and makes through them take for granted what other women had to earn from the sweat of their brow and fashioning of their character. Chivalry is a code of honor among men, but it has been adopted by women simply because there was no code among opposites sexes.
The concept of a gentlewoman is foreign and an adjective that has been lost drowned out by the demands of women screaming for a gentleman. A gentle -woman is defined as a well-bred woman or polite woman, not a tyrant constantly demanding and asking without any earned or deserved favor. Men as this culture has groomed them are subjugated to serve woman with pure and unquestionable obedience. A woman's right of passage is to be respected but giving respect in the realm of social interaction with men is blatantly ignored. Some women you talk to do not respect men hiding their disdain under sarcastic flirtatious gestures, jeers and mockery as they walk away.
Women feel that glimpses of electric sex is the key to man-nip-you-lating a man into serving their fancies but it is the hope of a kind and true expression not falsehood and treachery. Men are weak for sexual insinuations, that are universal, but men are even weaker for sincerity and authenticity which is something stronger than weak unimaginative eye batting or fake phone numbers.
Are there any gentlewomen who are willing to earn what they are asking for or are we indoctrinating another group of women who tell men that they are "suppose to" be nice (blindly obey) to them just because of their gender. Can you as a woman earn your rites of passage to be treated in a noble fashion or do men just have to pay what they owe and SHUT THE HELL UP?
Invisible Men Category: Romance and Relationships
Invisible Men
J. Thurman
Ralph Ellison wrote about the Invisible Man. A man whom was unseen by society. No matter how he tried to separate and distinguish himself he was forever brand beast. There are legions of men all around invisible to women who are in the prime of their beauty, health and intelligence, who are drowning in their fear. These men appear as shadows glimmers of light spoken about by most women in the same breath of ancient apparitions and mythology.
There once were stories of a kind of man that frightened most women to the point that those women would avoid all eye contact and acknowledgment. Women became ambivalent even to their existence until one day they vanished. They said that eye contact would give some men a since of human connection and kindness with their counterparts. That kind of kindness was perceived as weakness by most women and was all too often costly to their safety that was masked by their emotions. Fear drove their campaign to wipe out all MEN.
A campaign mostly driven by the media and tales of dreams and expectation deferred. So, one day they vanished. All that was let were shallow figments of a hopeful imagination superficial store houses where women could put their unrealistic expectations and misplaced insecurities. They looked like men ,but they never quite stood the test of time and suffered from poor craftsmanship. Women accepted this replica and hoped to fill this facsimile with all the things they thought a man should, "BE". Some women never knew a man and only lived through the tales of long ago. Other women worked hard to get rid of the remnants of what they thought were men including memories of kind gestures, smiles and gallantry all taken for granted and long gone. Every man was suspect by there very presence.Then they're where those responsible for wiping the mind print of women who never knew the soft subtlest of a man these women were the most stoic and broken of them all. They told horrifying tales of them being victimized by villainous men and because of their inability to utilize their higher sense of self they fell back on their overdeveloped sense of mistrust to will good men into oblivion.
Numb to their surroundings most women lose themselves in the Matrix. A lot of women were consumed by cell phones, IPODS and dark shades some women went to incredible extremes to avoid and ignore all men except the ones that constantly disappointed them. The shade help avoid undesirable eye contact and allows them to judge while keep their distance. There are men who became there only reality. Menwho became a failed expectation someone who could consume their time, money & energywhose every step could be easily predicted- as to not get hurt. But these men were not good men because all of the good men were gone.
Avoiding every man was the answer. Living in constant fear of harm from every man seemed to be the answer. Also, just not wanting to be bothered was another justification to avoid them. A lot of women just seemed to not know how to handle men, so avoiding all of them was the key. "They just want sex",( and women never do) and a plethora of other excuses defend their lack of confidence, lack of conversation or PERSONAL DEPTH. It seems that a stack of irrational fears start to cripple some women from differentiating good men from bad men, hence the disappearance of "Good Men".
I overstand how hard it is to be scrutinized, but I could never know what it is like to be under the scrutiny that black women are subjugated. Nevertheless, avoidance is not the answer, courage is. The courage to deal with how you feel in your skin and learn to exude the innate power and confidence that, when examined, would remove the discomfort that exist. You can not avoid people and you certainly can not avoid men, however you can learn to control your environment and the people that come in your circumference. Once you master your environment you began to make better "men decision". Then and only then will the Good Men reappear in abundance.

The Great Atlanta Ratio

The Great Atlanta Ratio (Myth or Fact) Category: Romance and Relationships
The Great Atlanta Ratio (Myth or Fact)
J. Thurman
The Great AtlantaRatio is the most misunderstood mathematical equation in the history of computation.
Some fun numbers:

*MSA= Metro Surrounding Area (Clayton, Cobb, Dekalb, Douglasville and Gwinnett)
Total Blacks in Atlanta: 1,502,745 (as of 2005) and growing
Total Black Females:606,530
Total Black Males: 503,642
Total Unmarried Females: 42%
Total Unmarried Males: 31%

I was having another one of those conversations were someone, who obviously has obtained the crown jewel, breaks down the ratio phenomenon to me for the millionth time.
The numbers flucuate depending on who you talk to. For example: The woman who tells you how handsome you are and reminds you that there are 13 women to 1 man so I should have no problem finding somenone, but not her. Then there is the wily out of towner who has heard rumors of "Pussy Galore" lying in the streets that are laced with Victoria's Sucretions and Viagra. I can not forget about the transplant that soley moved to Atlanta to find the woman of his dreams then he realizes that all he is doing is dreaming.

The reality is that even if the numbers have shrunk from 13:1 to 10:1 you have got to look at what you are really dealing with. If you lined up 10 women in front of you, as a man: 2 are lesbian/bisexual = not for you, 2 are married, 2 have boyfriends(status quo style), 2 are still in mourning from a relationship that happened eons ago. And the last two are just not feeling you, even if you dropped diamonds everytime you opened your mouth. I forgot the golddigger whose eye for the rich guy is another disqualifier. She can pick you apart like a jeweler look at a fabulous fake. The number are not there to support the myth which has become fact.
Fact: If you lined up every black women and every black man facing each other the numbers are disproportionate. If you married every black man ,free or incarcerated, there would still be millions of black men left out. If you look at the stats on marriage you will see that black on black marriage is not a sure thing .

The higher the risk the higher the return", is the credo of not just gamblers and trustworthy salemen. This is why most men never stop chasing because there is a better rate of success in high numbers. Only a fool depends on superficial word of mouth stats, that do not add up. A fifteen year old teenager can get a phone. The truth for alot of men centers around working the numbers, not to be confused with a clumsy man-child who get the attention of alot woman and take it for granted.

There are some women who need a demolitionist to break down the walls, only to have them go back there EX. Men are completely a the whim of a woman who's sole purpose is to pass you on to the other twelve or so women standing in line. She passes you on for a number of reasons, but, no matter what you will be passed on.

My point is not to confuse a romanticized idea of being passed on by fate, so that you eventually meet the right one, there is no right "ONE". The object of my piece is to garnish attention to the credulous idea that the number of women, out weighing the number of men, favors a man in the sense of ,"hooking up". They don't! There might be a favorable number of women to men at any one locale, but are they viable prospects. This is the question unanswered and ignored. .......Water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink. This quote sums up the mechanical workings behind the myth, the part of the facade that no one can see beyond.
"Don't believe the HYPE......"

A Blues for Ja-cen-ta

Blues for Ja-cen-ta Category: Romance and Relationships
I hope you are having a glorious day and fully engulfed in the moment.Our last conversation had me thinking about your experience with men. I'm sure that your running shoes are smokey. But, I hope you know you don't have to run, "cause no matter where you go there you are". The people that give us justification to run have the most power over us and are the masters of our destiny. We feel that we have no power or control and therefore relinquish our automony easily. We mistake authority for truth instead of taking truth as the authority. People who we allow to control our emotions become our authority. Some people are addicted to that feeling but when they are not in the presence of it regain their senses,it seems. You are in control of the feet in every direction of you but you are in control of everything you survey. Your dominion as a woman spreads out as far as the mind can conceive and you need to know that. Don't be addicted to that feeling of defeatism?I want you to come back home brand new and trusting that you are truly BLESSED and what GOD has created in and out of you is perfect, because GOD don't make no mistakes.